i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
