remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
