Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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