So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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