if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
