if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
