oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
