He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
