Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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