you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
