at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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