i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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