I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The adults are the big ones right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
