i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
