i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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