I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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