toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
