Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
