i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
