I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
