i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
