So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
