Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
