I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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