This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I don't deserve a penis
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
