The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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