oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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