You smell like stripper and shame
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
