i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
