dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
