im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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