I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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