why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
