I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
