$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating