I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero