why didn't you poke me back
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
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The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY