dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?