allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?