there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
