god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize