people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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