Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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