Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
