So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize