Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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