It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
