Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
