The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
