I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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