hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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