think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
