everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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