Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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