I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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