we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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