i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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