That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
