i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
