Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
