I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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