Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
