I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
