For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
