I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
