More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
