we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
