After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
