PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
