dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
