dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
