I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
