Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
