she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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