So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
