we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
